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  “I’m sorry, I can tell physical contact is hard for you now.”

  “You needed that hug just as much as I did. I need to start getting back to normal. Shying away from contact isn’t going to solve anything. And besides, I wanted to hug you the second I saw you.”

  They said their goodbyes at the door and Meredith turned to face her home. For the first time in days, weeks really, she was alone. Without giving it much thought, she grabbed her laptop off her small desk in the corner of the lounge and headed straight to her bedroom. Once inside her room, she stripped off, then put on her most comfortable, softest pyjamas. She climbed into bed, settling her laptop on her lap. She switched it on, glad it still held a charge after all this time and spent the next couple of hours going through her emails and trying to sort out some semblance of order in all she had missed in the last eight-and-a-half months.

  Finally, sometime later, her eyes closed, and she began to drift off to sleep, Stephanie’s smiling face filling her mind’s eye.

  Ch

  apter Six

  Stephanie walked through the front door of the Genesis Gallery in York. She cast her gaze around the small lobby, taking in all the originals and prints of local artists in one sweep, finally settling on the man behind a contemporary steel desk. Joseph Mathews had owned this gallery for the last five years after buying it from his father. She had come to him three years ago, having just completed her master’s degree in fine art, looking for a job. He had been so impressed with her and her portfolio that he hired her on the spot, and over the next six months trained her up to help run his business.

  “Bloody hell, Steph, you look like shit!” He came around the desk and engulfed her in a tight, bear hug, squeezing her into his muscled chest. She flinched at the contact, but soon the familiar strength of him settled her racing pulse. Her arms came around his waist as she buried her face into his neck inhaling his expensive aftershave. He was a big man, just topping six feet, and his body showed off the years spent in the gym working on his muscles. He filled out his jeans and white shirt to perfection. Looking at him always made Stephanie want to take her own physical shape seriously, but she just couldn’t envision herself spending all those hours lifting weights and doing cardio. She preferred pizza and beer.

  “Hey, Joe.” She took another deep breath and gently pulled back. She had to tilt her head to look him in the eye. “I’m hoping I still have a job and a home.”

  She lived in the apartment above the gallery. It wasn’t the largest of spaces, having been converted from the loft, but it was big enough for her and her needs.

  “Don’t be stupid, Squirt, you know you’ll always have a place with me.” Joe went to the front door, flipped the sign closed, and locked the door. He took her hand and led her to the back room. They settled onto a ratty three-seater sofa facing each other.

  “I was shocked to get your call. You’d been gone for a month and every time I called the police for an update, they basically told me not to keep my hopes up. Couldn’t believe it when you rang, I very nearly pissed my pants when I heard your voice. I would have come down to see you, you know?”

  “I know, but there really wasn’t any point. I was just lying in a hospital bed. There was nothing you could have done.” The thought of Joe seeing just how bad she was when she was rescued terrified her. She wouldn’t have been able to deal with his sympathies. She needed time to heal without feeling like a victim.

  “I could have been there for you.” He lifted his hand and gently touched her right eyebrow, tracing the healing scar with his finger. “I assume they caught that fucker.”

  “Yeah, he tried to take somebody else but failed, and from her description they managed to catch him. Eventually they found us.” Her mind travelled to Meredith, and she wondered how she was doing. Stephanie had got out of the hospital that morning, which was four days after Meredith had left. Stephanie hadn’t been able to get her out of her mind. She hoped Meredith was okay, that she was dealing with everything all right, and that Kathleen was taking care of her. “The prick had taken quite a few of us, some of us didn’t make it. I have to go to the station in a couple of days to make a statement.”

  Joe took her hand in his larger one and gently kissed her knuckles.

  “If you want, you can come and stay with me and Fiona, we would love to have you.”

  “Thanks for the offer, but I would just rather get back to my normal routine. If you give me the rest of the week off for my bruises to fade and talk to the police, I can start back again on Monday.”

  She could feel Joe’s eyes studying her, what he was trying to see she didn’t know. She was aware of the purple and yellow bruises that covered her face and neck, but with a good base of make-up she should be able to hide them. She hoped Joe was looking at the bruises and not trying to see something within her that just wasn’t there. She never really had any kind of feelings before, as she told Meredith, she was merely content in her life. After what happened to her, she doubted that would ever change, and if Joe hoped to see some sort of emotion regarding her time in captivity, he wouldn't find any. She was angry, thoroughly pissed off that the prick had dared to touch her; she hated the things he had done to Meredith, but she wasn’t going to wallow in self-pity. She wanted to get her life back to the way it was. Doing her routine things, going about her routine life, was the only way she was going to cope with this.

  After what felt like years of Joe peering into her soul, he finally spoke. “Are you sure about coming back to work so soon?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

  Today was Wednesday; the police interview was on Friday, so they both agreed to start back to work on Monday would be the best thing to do.

  “Everything is as you left it upstairs. I’ve put one of the company mobile phones up there for you to use, and some essentials. Go on up and get settled and I’ll call for a pizza delivery.”

  She started to protest, but he pushed her toward the stairs that led up through the back of the building into her apartment, following close behind. He didn’t give her a chance to argue. She might like to do things on her own, and without help, but apparently, he would be damned if she couldn’t at least share a pizza with him.

  “The pizza should be here in twenty minutes,” Joe said, putting his phone back in his pocket as he turned away from the living room window that overlooked the street below. She could feel his gaze on her and she struggled not to squirm under his watchful eyes.

  “Joe, can you stop looking at me like that? I don’t know what it is you're looking for, but it’s not in there.”

  He walked over to where she stood in the small kitchen, her hands braced behind her on the kitchen sink.

  “Not being funny, Squirt, but you have been through hell...”

  “Do you still have to call me that? I’m five feet eight inches, which is hardly short.”

  “You’ll always be Squirt to me. As I was saying, you’ve been through God knows what, and you’re standing here as if nothing happened. When you called me from the hospital you didn’t sound upset at all. You practically sounded like you had just come back from holiday.”

  “Come on, Joe, I wasn’t that bad. You know what I’m like.” She charged past him, nudging him out of the way as she went. She stood where he stood five minutes ago and stared at the street below. She could see people bustling about, going on about their daily business, and she just wanted to be one of them again. She wanted to forget everything that had happened. “I’ve had shit happen to me before, don’t forget.”

  “I’m not talking about your mother dying in a car accident when you were a baby, or your useless father walking out on you. You were kidnapped, tortured, and God knows what else. There’s got to be something you’re feeling about this.” He came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently.

  She wasn’t expecting his hands to be placed on her and she thought she might flinch at the contact, but she didn’t, she didn’t feel anything.
She turned around, her eyes pleading with Joe to understand.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The only time I felt anything was when he was hurting Meredith.” At his questioning look, she continued. “She had been there several months before I even arrived, and he did terrible things to her. The only time I cried was when she was in pain. I didn’t cry for me, I was angry at him for what he was doing, but I stuck it in the back of my mind and just ignored it the best I could.”

  He pulled her into him again.

  “I love you, Squirt. Don’t forget that.” He released her from his hug as she sat down on the small coffee table. “Do you think you should try counselling again?”

  “I don't think so. It didn’t work the first time, they didn’t find anything wrong with me. I just don’t feel things the way other people do. I can empathise with others, but for some reason I can’t feel anything for me. I guess I think I’m just not worth it.”

  “Now you know that’s a load of bullocks. You’re a great person, Steph, and one of these days, you will realise that you’re worth loving.”

  Stephanie looked at him as if he had grown two heads. No one stuck around for her, she was a cancer on people’s lives and nothing anyone said was ever going to change that. The sooner she went about her business the better.

  †

  Meredith woke to the sound of her landline ringing. She stretched and yawned and absently glanced at the clock, noting the time was eight-thirty in the morning. She had been home now for five days and she had left the apartment only once. Kathleen had been by a couple of times but never stayed for too long. Meredith could understand her feelings, it was hard to deal with a victim of trauma. Kathleen was doing everything right, she brought food, she helped do the cooking and cleaning, and she made mindless small talk. Meredith felt like a heel. Kathleen was being attentive, but she obviously picked up on her need to be alone. Kathleen never pressed her to talk about what happened during the months she had been gone. It was almost like she was trying to forget it ever happened. Meredith was fine with that, she hoped she could forget it as well.

  She picked up the phone in the living room.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello. Is this Meredith Ashcroft?”

  “Yes, speaking.”

  “I'm calling from the city police station. We need you to come to the station to make a formal statement and go over a few things. Today, if it’s convenient.”

  “I'm sorry, but that won't be possible. There is no way I'm leaving my apartment. If you want to talk to me then you will have to come here.” She was being short, she knew, but she didn’t care. Just the thought of leaving her home brought her out in a cold sweat.

  “Miss Ashcroft, there are some things we need you to look at and go through. It would be best if you could make it to the station.”

  “Look, officer, I’m not going anywhere. As I’m sure you can imagine, I’ve had a pretty shitty time and nothing and no one is making me leave my apartment until I’m ready.”

  The officer must have realised his mistake because he acquiesced to Meredith’s wishes.

  “Okay. I'll send a detective to see you this afternoon.”

  They arranged a time, and Meredith hung up, blowing out a deep breath. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about her time in that hellhole. She had no choice if she wanted that asshole put away. She would have to do everything in her power to make that so. She picked up the receiver again and dialled Kathleen’s number.

  Kathleen answered on the third ring, her voice sounding tired. “Meredith? Are you okay?”

  “I know it’s early, Kath, but I just had a call from the police station. They are coming here this afternoon to take my statement. I was hoping you could be here with me.”

  “Peaches, I would love to be there to help you, but I have a meeting with a client in Reading. I don’t think I’ll be back in time.”

  Meredith wondered idly if this was Kathleen’s attempt to distance herself from the horrible things Meredith had been through. She knew Kathleen could be somewhat superficial, but she prayed her distance wasn’t because of the way she looked now. Taking a gamble, she asked, “Are you okay, Kath? Is there anything we need to talk about?”

  “I’m not sure what you mean, babe. If I didn’t have client meetings, of course, I would be there for you.” She took a breath, then continued. “I think maybe we need to take some time out. It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s just with the new season coming, I have a lot of clients that need my attention and I don’t feel I can be there for you the way you need. You know I love you, sweetie, but I’m thinking about what is best for you. I think it would best if you took some time to heal and then call me.”

  Is she fucking kidding me? Meredith tried to understand what Kathleen was saying. She knew they had been plodding along in their relationship, it was somewhat pleasant at times, and she didn’t believe for a second, they were destined to be life partners. But she couldn’t believe Kathleen would be so cold and just turn her back on her.

  “I know I have a few scars, and my head is a bit messed up right now, but surely you’re not that shallow that my looks are all you care about?”

  “You’ve got it wrong, Meredith, I do love you, you know that, but I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle this. I don’t know what it is you need. I don’t know what else I can give you.”

  “I'm not asking you to do anything Kathleen, just be there for me, if you can.”

  Meredith knew she was being clingy, but she only had a few people in her world that she trusted. Excluding family, Carrie was one, and Kathleen was the other. Her parents would be arriving in a few days and she wanted to have some semblance of her life back in order before they arrived. She did not want her mother hovering around her. Her mother would be there for her, without question, but there were some things she didn’t need her mother to know, and the horror she experienced in that place was one of them.

  She loved Kathleen, she might not be in love with her the way she once was when they first started dating, but she still loved her, and she needed her. In what capacity that was she didn’t know yet.

  “I’m not saying I’m ready to have a physical relationship with you, because let’s face it, I’m not, but I need you here as my friend. I think after all the years we’ve been together, that’s the least we can do for each other.”

  “You’re right. I just feel shitty for not knowing what it is you need, I feel helpless. I’ll call my client and rearrange the meeting. I’m still in Bristol so I will be there when the police come.”

  Meredith let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, relief washing through her. Yes, they had their share of relationship problems, but they did love each other, and Meredith needed her.

  “Thank you, you have no idea what that means to me. I'm sorry for making this difficult for you, but the things I went through…”

  “So, I'll see you at lunchtime.”

  Meredith blinked at the interruption. She was right, Kathleen obviously didn't want to know what she had been through, but at some point, they were going to have to talk about it.

  “Um, the officers will be here at one-thirty, I'll see you then.” They said their goodbyes and she hung up.

  Glancing at the clock that sat on the mantelpiece, she noted it was nine-thirty. She decided to go back to bed. Her body clock was still all over the place, and she felt eternally tired from her ordeal. She needed the rest. Well, that’s what she told herself, she just didn’t want to face the world. She climbed into her bed, set the alarm clock, closed her eyes, and pretended she wasn’t anxious about the meeting this afternoon.

  Chapter Seven

  Meredith sat at her oak dining table, located in the corner of the expansive kitchen. She had a hot cup of coffee cradled in her left hand, and in her right, she held tightly to Kathleen’s hand. To Kathleen’s credit, she showed up early and had set about trying to make Meredith feel as comfortable as possible about the upcoming interv
iew. She had been courteous and gracious to the female detective who sat opposite them now.

  The officer was maybe one inch shorter than Meredith’s own five feet six. She wore a casual grey suit with a white shirt, and her hair fell loosely about her face to her shoulders. She had introduced herself as Detective Constable Walker and she had been assigned to the case in conjunction with the officers in York.

  “Let me just start by saying I know how difficult this must be for you, Meredith,” the officer said.

  Meredith spared a quick glance at Kathleen. She was staring down at the table, and by the look on her face, trying to distance herself as much as possible from the conversation. Looking back into the detective’s sympathetic brown eyes, Meredith said, “I’m not particularly handling this very well. I have spoken to my doctor and she is recommending a counsellor for me, one who can deal with these types of situations.”

  “That’s good. I’m hoping with your statement, and that of the other survivors, it’ll help put him behind bars. I don't know if you are aware that he is denying the charges against him, he said he hadn’t been to that house in years.”

  “How can he say that?” Meredith gasped. “You have a witness that identified him trying to kidnap her. It’s ridiculous.”

  “It’s okay, Meredith. We have a lot of evidence against him, including all the physical evidence we collected in the house. I promise you he won’t get away with this.”

  The detective took a sip of her coffee and opened her notepad. She placed a small tape recorder in the middle of the table.

  “Is it okay if I record this?”

  “Of course.”

  “I think it’s best if you just recount the events to the best of your knowledge and at the end of your statement, I’ll ask any questions I feel are pertinent to the case. Is that all right?”